I knew it was bad when I felt the severity of the hit. We all hit the ground sometimes; often little "dabs" or missed line sor an endo with a step off type of consequence. But at times; like this time, it wasn’t like that. Rolling along at speed, maybe even careless and overly cocky speed, suddenly things felt wrong and a tension filled my being. "This sint going to go well" I knew and I for split second tried to muster that hope and strength that seems to pull me out of the clutches of disaster so many times. But I knew; not this time, I stared it in the face and I braced for impact.
I’ve written here many times about stsying cool and riding the line and manifesting miracles of "moving forward". I know that I live my life my the belief that I can try anything and by sheer belief; almost always prevail in those wild efforts. I preach it; I live it and I will ocasional pay for the truth that not everyone wins every time. Maybe not every time…
You know you hit hard when its not your limbs or your skin that hurts. You feel the rocking of your core and the hit travels deep within your frame and seems to frighten your soul. It somehow occurs to you for even the slightest of moments that some things "could" kill you. Not a truth that we as superficial societal human beings like to be aquanted with. With almost a relaxatrion that there is nothing left for you to control, or maybe its an utter panic of helplessness, but theres nothing to do but slow… and stop.. and stay stopped for a while. People ask if your OK; you dont answer really, what could you say, you dont really know. You try to check on yourself through an inventory of your thoughts and feelings and you arent even sure of the findings there either. You lay… still.. quiet… this is just gonna take a minute. But your assesments reveal pain but maybe nothing that is really a forever thing. You run tests on arms and legs and heart and soul and you find that maybe; you’re still in tact and maybe you could actually walk away from this and live to see another great ride. You start to move… you answer; "I think I’ll be OK, I just need a minute"
Things come back into view and you still feel like nothing permanant in broken. You stand up; people check on you ands offer support. You start to move and feel like you might be able to ride. You slowly remount; drink some water, collect the things your friends are handing you from the far reaching scatters of your demise. You feel ready, you roll.. slowly… but you roll on
Things looka little different for a while, you dont jump and you arent fast. It’s a whole bunch of feelings and very few of them day "lets go for it". But you realize your OK, you feel the flow of the trail and you remember from deep within you your passion to ride. You pick up speed and it feels OK. "You just took a hit" you say to yourself; but your walked away, wow! That was something… you review it in your mind. You look back and kick yourself for the mistake that led to this. But you ride on…
We all go down; sometimes its really hard, but it’s a beautiful thing to get up and ride on and live to feel the passion of your human experience time and time again
Roll on… you’ll feel the flow again… just start slowly and roll…
This dedicated to the fallen freinds who we have seen pass away from our midst this year; I will always honor and cherish and love the memory of you sharing your passion with all of us.
To all who can read this; roll on, share the joy and feel the flow! Life will hit you sometimes; get back up and roll on, slowly at first, it will come back
Love ya all